12:38 PM  [09 Sep 2008 | Tuesday]

He Found Me

I try to count the ways that I’ve attempted to find happiness. The numbers left my fingers. They were too plentiful to hold with two hands. I try searching for the things that make me long for something. The things that make me want to smile. But they are no where to be found.>>

I walk around, blind and thirsty. Blind and starving. I walk around desperate for peace. I cannot find it.  I go to sleep alone. I wake alone. And it is that way all the time. I am unable to tell when it’ll end. My days and my nights pass by, faster than I can fathom, and I cannot see.>>

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But then He found me.>>

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I was lower than I’d ever been before. I was empty handed, in spite of my numbered attempts. I was full of failures and grief. I was bitter, and angry. I was lost. But He found me. The most beautiful, magnificent, unfailing love flows from His heart. He found me. I am no longer cold, and bitter, and alone. Because He found me. I can smile, and laugh, and it actually means something. Because He found me. I know now, that happiness is impossible without that love, without the knowledge of Jesus Christ. I know that He suffered for me, because He loves me. He loves me. And I am so happy….because He loves me. There is nothing now that can ever bring me down. Nothing that can take this away from me. My hunger is gone, and my thirst is no more. And with the pure heart that I now have, I can say “thank you, Lord, for finding me.”>>

12:00 PM  [13 Aug 2007 | Monday]

reality...

What happens when you let your mind wander during a time of sadness and lonliness? I'm not sure. And I don't know if writing whatever my mind decides to write will be anything or just a pointless crowd of words hoping to be something meaningful. There's a ring around my eyes invisible to anyone that comes into contact with me right now. And although it may be invisible, it's heavy and it stings. It's a blunt reminder that in my mind, I want to cry. But, when I snap back into reality of what my life really is right now, I feel foolish. Maybe i need to get out of the habit of running away from warmth. Maybe I need to get out of the cold. Life is passing by so quickly and it is important to realize that God is love, and love is warm. And once He has you, He holds onto you tightly. When I feel alone I have to realize that its my thoughts that make me feel that way, not my reality. Because my reality is in Jesus Christ, and with a reality like that, nothing else in the world could make me happier. And even during my deepest, darkest, lonliest days...God shines His light and He makes everything okay.