I've been on a low carb diet since April (although I've carbed out several times) and have lost 52 pounds. I allow myself one day a week where I eat whatever I want because I love pasta and bread. When I started, I weighed in at 250 lbs so congrats to me!!!! At first it was really hard, but now it's easier and easier and I've gotten creative with my cooking. Ben saw all the weight I was losing and decided to try it but he couldn't last. That's ok cuz he's chubby and I like him that way! Although he says he loved me when I was overweight I'm doing it for one reason and one reason only - my doctor said I had to lose it. I don't want to get super skinny cuz I don't like hugging bones so I know Ben doesn't either, just enough to where I'm "normal". He's jealous of my success though. No, really! He even said so. He also said that when I lose weight other guys will look at me and I might leave him. No way will that happen! He is so good to me, why would I leave?
Well, I'm a pretty private person, but what I am willing to share is I've recently re-dedicated my life to Christ after a very long time of being angry and bitter. I love to write, read, research anything, I love music and painting and watching movies. I'm a homebody, when I'm not at work, I'm usually at home watching something on tv or reading or something like that. I love animals, but I don't have any right now. I'm not sure what else to write, but if you all want to know something, you can just ask!!!
No, my birthday's not today - it's Saturday the 23rd. But I've never had a party or anything before and Ben has arranged for me to have a party with his family. So I'm excited, I hope it's kinda small though because I have a hard time breathing when there are too many people around me. He's lucky to have such a close-knit family. I think a lot of people take their families for granted, always assuming that no matter what they do they will be around. Sometimes it's hard for me to see mothers and daughters out together, laughing and smiling and joking around. But his family has really embraced me, and I'm thankful for that because they are my only support system. But then again, my past haunts me, and so I'm afraid to get close, thinking that they are going to hurt me too. I never tell them that because I think that would hurt them, but sometimes memories echo. Anyways, I'm going to make some low-carb Italian Meatballs. I'll check in later!
Well, I just got home from a very long day (and night) of work. I'm glad I have the next few days off. I thought that getting my promotion would make things great, but I'm just not feeling like I'm being challenged enough intellectually. I'm pretty much doing the same stuff I did before the promotion, just getting paid 40 cents more per hour, which is very low for my position in my area (I checked around). The plus side is that my boss is the greatest, I probably won't find someone else as kind-hearted and understanding as he is to work for. I was thinking about leaving in November, but I think I'll stay a little longer.
Isn't is sad to know that my own mother still does not speak to me after 3 years. I have tried everything and now I just sent a letter, but I know it's only going to lead to her rejecting me again. You would think that after being rejected by my own mother all my life that I would just let it go and go on with my life but I just CAN'T. It's unnatural for a mother to behave that way. I still don't believe I really did anything wrong. Nonetheless, I apologized anyways, but I guess that just isn't good enough. It has created a lot of issues. I can't get close to anybody, not even my in-laws. I just can't believe that I'm good enough to be around them. After being told so many times that you're dumb, a retard, ugly, and won't amount to anything, I guess you start to believe it. I've prayed and prayed and prayed but my heart is still stubborn and I'm having a really hard time trying to get through this. I know I'm probably better off without her in my life but she's my MOTHER... it just doesn't make any sense.
Ok, so earlier I was venting about my family, and I had a conversation with Ben (my fiance - getting married in December!) about how I couldn't let go of the past and I couldn't understand why my mom hates me so much. So, check this out: I was flipping through the channels trying to find a movie or something on tv and the 700 Club was on, and I ordinarily would have kept channel surfing but the lady on there said something that stopped me in my tracks. She said that you can't control what other people say or do and that the past is the past. Wounds from friends, co-workers, siblings, PARENTS will always occur, but you can't forget it, but you can deal with it and move on. The past is the past. Isn't that amazing? From my blog on here, to my conversation with Ben, to just happening to land on that channel and the PRECISE time she said that? Coincidence? I THINK NOT! Anyways, I prayed with her and started to cry and I felt a chill throughout my entire body and I KNEW that was our Lord putting his arms around me telling me everything was gonna be ok! And guess what? I feel great!
