The only thing I want is to be loved... but I have never been loved, Now I am incapable of being loved because I know that anything that claims to be love is probably just hurt in disguise... The only think I want in life is for someone to love me, for someone to want to be near me, talk to me, care about me.... but it will never happen, I drive everyone away because hate hides in love so well that I can't see it until it jumps up and bites me and by then its too late. People here say I am a lost cause and they're right. I am. I want desperately to be loved and I know that and I see it in myself. But I don't believe I will ever be loved, so I reject anything that looks like love out of fear that its just hate in disguise. I say I don't need anyone, I can do it myself, I'll be fine alone.... but I'm not, its a lie. I have nothing in this world and its my own fault and I know it. I never did anything good enough for my parents or grandparents or siblings, I was always to shy and scared to make friends as a child, I still am as an adult, but not as bad as I used to be. Now the problem isn't shyness its fear, doubt and mistrust. I made my bed, now I must lie in it. The end... I guess.
Times come and times go,
In a never ending continuous flow,
Time can never be tamed,
And yet aspects of it never change,
The arguments of old,
And the countless lies that are told,
They are still here,
They are still near,
We cannot go on and we cannot stop,
One chance is all we’ve got,
We have to live life how we want to,
We say that but it’s never what we do,
We allow ourselves to be stretched thin,
Just bones and blood beneath our skin,
Our demons scream inside our ears,
Scratching out our oldest fears,
But we don’t know how do deal,
With such noticeable things that are not yet real,
We allow our parents to think we know joy,
From broken bits of useless toys,
And tell our friends that we are all fine,
But between sanity and sadness there is no line,
We are forced to live in darkness,
And we are fed on our own distress,
We hunger for the truth and yet our desires are wrong,
When we pity we pity too long,
When we sympathise our gestures are tossed aside,
Like a filthy orphan left alone outside,
We do things that we tell ourselves are for our own good,
But they are just words given to us by those of our blood,
We tell each other that we are one yet we are factions,
We say we need peace when we still do offensive actions,
These are terrible days that never end,
Trapped in this cycle we can’t comprehend,
War and famine and drought are but the start,
Of the havoc to be reaped upon the human heart,
What else must we do to heave ourselves up?
What must we do to free us from this rut?
We have the chance to live our lives free!
To be all we are and all that we can be!
But I don’t, my nightmares are closing in,
Suffocating me from within,
My philosophies lost to those that will never care,
Choking on the rank pollution that clouds the air,
Torn in two between my ideals and my bloodlines,
But no matter what I do I am always outshined,
My time is drawing shorter still,
The hands of the clock moving to the kill,
Seconds blur by me like grains of sand,
That slips from my fingers and falls from my hands,
There’s nothing for me I’m clutching at straws,
All my life lived behind closed doors,
The scars along my arms are burning again,
But burning is not the same as pain,
As long as we feel then we are alive,
To feel my life is all that I strive,
But forbidden from feeling what is not allowed,
I have discovered another means that does not make me proud,
I slice through my skin with a dagger fellow man made,
For my life the ultimate price has been paid,
But still, we cannot be trapped forever can we?
One day we will find a way to be free,
That day will come, I just don’t know when,
I have only myself to blame,
We only live once and I’m dead inside,
Stripped of my dignity and relieved of my pride,
There is no life within,
Just blood in skin,
An empty shell,
That will fall to hell,
Help me,
I can’t see,
My body is cold,
My mind rotting and old,
But still times come and then they go,
On an endless and insatiable flow
d bless y